Got some new glasses, you know, if you couldn’t tell from all the spectacle related content I’ve been shoving down your throat. Really happy with these #boiz tbh. Feeling sexier than a hot glazed iced bun from your local bakery (I’m not, and I can’t stress this enough, making a sly cum innuendo ) ... oops I fancy an iced bun now .. wonder if you can Deliveroo that shit? Probably not eh.
Anywhooo here I am being my most vain, self loving/loathing self. Fun rollercoaster to be on tbh. Balancing the tightrope between insecurity and narcissism. Swipe right for me in between selfie takes (sorry for the short caption. I’m too tired to be making jokes ) edit: I know my mouths open ... I thought it looked weird but @jessicajgreaves said it didn’t .. so here we are.
As you know I like to Keep it fun, keep it fresh, keep the times a-changing. But I have NOTHING to post because I’ve been a lazy bastard for the last few weeks and now have 0 fun or particularly fresh photos to post. So here is me looking relatively better than normal with a sweet little touch of underboob. You’re bloody welcome.
As the dawn rises metaphorically and physically on the 2nd day of 2020, And I wake up covered in glitter with a headache more painful than having to listen to ‘you’re beautiful’ by James blunt on repeat... I’m thinking to myself the British pound isn’t the only thing reached an all time low last year. Now as we head on into this new decade I ask you all 8 favours from me. if you’re happy to oblige I’ll send you a gift. 1 ) Stop posting pictures of avocado toast. Nobody and I mean nobody gives a fuck. 2 ) please be nice to your mum & do ACTUALLY give her that weekly call you promised her 4 years ago. 3 ) I don’t care what Disney character you are. Ok? 4 ) make your girl cum.. she’s deserves it. 5 ) don’t leak each others nudes. Just mind your own god damn business . 6 ) listen to ABBA everyday. 7 ) please stop ghosting people. pluck up the courage and say “I DONT FUCK WITH YOU” 8 ) tell me, anaïs, everyday that I’m the best Fucking thing to ever happen to you. (Also @oliviaharbour this caption did take me 90 minutes so don’t even think about bullying me in the comments I beat you to it. )
Merry Christmas from mine to yours. We look totally and inexplicably out of it, and let me tell you.. we were! also never knew I had such a thing for kissing people on the cheek!? Clearly a new hobby of mine. ALSO feel the need to tag @yungblud and say thanks for the party (and all the drinks ) my dude AND @gavingottlich because we missed you ❤️🖤
HELLO! Here I am looking seasonally like East 17 in ‘stay another day’ BUT I’m just dropping in to say my mates over at PAQ did a cheeky little collab with Coca Cola (* #Holidaysarecoming advert noice plays* ) and made this incredibly comfortable tracksuit. Which is good because as you lot know.. I haven’t been doing a lot of moving atm. So I can sleep, eat (sort of ),drool and open presents from the comfort of my home with the added bonus of knowing I look FANTASTIC!
Wait... do these two boys look oddly similar or WHAT! uh huh hunny! (Bound 2 voice** ) Just two coy blonde bitches looking sexier than the last free booth in the pub on a friday night! just logging on to say WHO FRICKIN WORE IT BETTER!? Is it me Anaïs or @timpreston_ .Just so you know if you don’t pick me I Hope you have a nice weep sliding down the shower wall tonight, when you realise how wrong you are. As always honest answers only.
Hello people of Instagram! if you can’t tell this is a picture from a week ago. As right now I’m currently lying in bed after surgery this weekend, feeling more fucked than a babysitter on pornhub. HOWEVER shit the prospect of having to liquidise Christmas dinner and possibly my birthday cake is... I’m really greatful because I can get some content out of this. That being said can someone get in contact with @ellaskitchenuk and let them know I can only eat baby food and would be great as there only over 10mth old brand ambassador??
Tell me this pic doesn’t make you wanna hold my hand through some lovely but scratchy gloves, keeping my dainty knuckles warm. Whilst wrapping your arm around my coat bigger than you neighbors over fed westie and whisper sonnet 116 into my ear as we take a bleak Sunday ramble on a cold pebble beach, lined by clay cliffs. Defo get a postcard to pop on your wall along side your Hepworth sculpture 50p Tate Britain one from 2015. mulled wine in charity shop 70s flask optional. Tell me it doesn’t make you wish you’d baked my mum some banana bread or tell me my souls too innocent for this world. Because if you did tell me it doesn’t I wouldn’t believe you.
and it was at this moment @tmpllnt caught me contemplating the true meaning of my existence on this lonely lonely chunk of rock you lot like to call “planet earth”. For anyone interested I didn’t come to a conclusion..
me practically comatose after eating enough chips to feed 4 baby hippos. But then again ... did you even go to the seaside if you didn’t eat chips on a stone wall with seagulls watching your every move. 📸: @oliviaharbour